Feeling unsupported?

You lead a faith-based project but have recently begun to feel that your church leader isn’t giving you sufficient support in your work. You feel disempowered and undervalued. What’s the way forward?

Issues of poverty stir many of us into action. I know of two couples seeking to support pastors working abroad. But unfortunately, these couples are not encouraged to share their vision in their churches, or ask the congregation for any financial or prayer support. And our churches are full of people running or volunteering for local projects, working to transform communities in this country. Too many of them are left to go it alone.

It is a real privilege to work in a faith-based project. It does, however, present its particular challenges. Areas of discipline can raise questions among staff, generating confusion about forgiveness. What is the role of prayer in the work place? In an age that preaches a message of equality and diversity, do all employees need to be Christians? Salaries and remuneration can be considered embarrassing topics. And there are a host more issues for faith-based projects to discuss and resolve. Support, wise advice, resources and prayer for leaders of such projects are paramount.

On the other hand, church leaders too have a difficult job. They have a breadth of people to take into account. Congregations are full of problems, projects and children. Church leaders are tasked with taking care of the flock either personally or overseeing the way in which it is done. We expect them to give us meaty teaching; we think they will be at all the meetings, seminars, socials and whatever else is arranged. We see them and their families as role models. And leaders should have a dynamic devotional life, the answers to all our questions and be polite and diplomatic at all times.

This is a tall order but these expectations have been put upon most leaders at some, if not most of the time during their leadership years. I would venture to suggest that few of us have as much expected of us as we expect of our church leaders.

Reflect on your situation by considering these questions:

• Do I expect too much of my leader?
• Can I realistically expect my leaders to feel as passionately about my issues (or project) as I do?
• Am I a person that has unmet needs which I am projecting onto the current issue?
• Is this specifically a task for my church leader, or is there someone else who can support me?
• Why do I feel the way I do (disempowered and undervalued, in this case)?
• Have I other people and other areas in my life where I do feel valued?

If one event in particular knocks you off balance emotionally, then I suggest you look at the reasons why – a little analysis and self-awareness goes a long way. It may be that there are underlying things that have been dormant and an event triggers an over-reaction. If you genuinely feel that is not the case, then you may need to take some other steps:

• Pray and ask God to give you grace to deal with the feelings you have. Pray and ask that the leader will have grace too.
• Approach the leader and ask if you could talk about your project with no hidden agenda of making a fundraising appeal, recruiting volunteers or whatever other needs your project has.

• At this meeting, be honest and tell the leader how you are feeling.
• Ask what they see as the way forward, and give your ideas for how to progress.
• Find some common ground in your respective views. This should provide the basis for a plan.
• If your leader has no space to support you adequately, find someone in your church who can.
• Decide on a future date when you can both review progress with a possibility of implementing a further step forward.
• Cut your leader some slack!

Greta Randle is chief executive of the
Association of Christian Counsellors.